At least make sure they are 18
Why
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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