I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
