Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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