I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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