Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can text with my tongue
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
