Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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