get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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