Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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