I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
