This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
