I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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