I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
