If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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