Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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