my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
