she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize