obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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