My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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