I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
