At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
