Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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