I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
