Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
