First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
