i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
