so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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