atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
