I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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