Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
