Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
