I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
