I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
