Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
