All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize