Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
