I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im part way to drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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