I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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