Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
operation harelip BJ is a go
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
