i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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