My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
