Fine. I'll sleep in my office
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
