her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
