Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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