Are we in a gay sports bar?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
