I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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