NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
