She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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