omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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