so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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