I hate all girls vehemently.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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