i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
