Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
