90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
