Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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