You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
