Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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