What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
