I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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