haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize