Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My vagina is very pro this idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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