One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
