I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
