I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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