Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
