K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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