Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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