After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
