You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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