also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
