I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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